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I'm not in denial what are you saying?
I hate the first of september =(
Posted on 31 Aug 2010 by Daisy , 0 Comment(s)
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Not supposed to be unhappy.
About to leave China in a few days. I'm not happy about it. I wish I could stay here for another month. These five weeks have passed WAY too quickly.
Anticipating is bad. Looking forward to things and having high hopes and dreams isn't too healthy either. Because it's no fun when things don't live up to expectations, so I try not to have any. But... I can't help myself. And then I end up all upset in the end when it didn't come close to them.
Five weeks. So short! Too short... For everything I wanted to do in China. Ugh. And we weren't lucky. What iwth the weather being too hot, my mom getting sick and being unable to take us to far places. Argh. My mom's too busy of a person. And hten she got sick. And got all tired and stuff and she couldn't even rest properly because she had to do so much. I felt kindof bad for her.
But it kindof sucked that it meant that she couldn't take me to further places, so I was stuck going round the neighbourhood with my friend. It's no fun to shop here -- too many brands, way too expensive. Too far from the cheap and fun shops x--x.
Ugh. Must not have any anticipations or traditions ever anymore. Because it sucks not being able to get what you hoped for. And it sucks not being able to go through with traditions.
And I'm childish for being so upset about this.
But it still sucks.
I didn't get to sing KTV which I do every time I come bakc - once every TWO years. (It's a lot compared to most people, but not enough for me x--x)
I didn't get to take the crazy pictures in the picture booths we don't have in Belgium. (well, not with frames and stuff anyway)
I bought all the wrong clothes and didn't dare to buy the right ones. And now it's too late.
I didn't get to go to the kickass amusement park they have here because of lack of time.
It's no fun being seventeen and still having to depend on my mom for so much. But I can't read Chinese! And my talking sounds fine, but I really don't know enough hard words. So sometimes it's hard to make myself clear. I'm sitill a foreigner here and it's kindof scary to be so unaccustomed to everything.
Ugh. My mom's still so busy and I don't want to trouble her with my silly childish needs. But I looked upset and then she just kept asking what was wrong and I told her and now she's all angry because it's like I'm demanding time from her. I'm NOT I KNOW she is busy meeting everyone she knows here in China and she's already made a lot fo time for me and I UNDERSTAND but it doesn't make it suck any less. And now she's all I'll just tell everyoen else I don't have time. But obviously I can't let her do that. I don't want to be more of a bother.
And I feel like I barely saw my family this time round. I only get to see them once every two years. But I feel like I barely saw them and we're growing further apart as I get older. As in WAY further. Sometimes I even feel uncomfortable around them, which was never the case before.
Ugh. I wish we had more time.
And I know I'm a spoiled brat for being so unhappy and crying about this stupid situation.
But it still sucks.
I should get over it.
But it still sucks.
Posted on 18 Aug 2010 by Daisy , 0 Comment(s)
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You never know.
You never know until you give it your all. That's what I keep advising people. You never know. And that's true, I have 100% faith in this phrase. It's true.
But... I'm scared. I don't think I've ever 'given it my all'. I... think it might be because I'm scared. What if giving it my all isn't good enough? If I don't, atleast I'll still have an excuse. I can tell myself : I can do better than that. But... If I give it my all. My very very very very best. What... will be left?
I am lucky to be naturally good at a lot of things. Well, things that don't involve physical exercise, anyway. Never the best, of course. But that is because I don't give it my all. Or so I'd like to think. So I should start getting off this lazy ass and work hard, right? But... What if it still isn't good enough...? What if there really isn't anything I can shine at...?
Perhaps I will be able to try harder once I find something I really, really want. Something I like to do. But... I can't even think of anything like that. But there are a few things that do make me happy...
Well. You never know until you try. So maybe I should give it a shot. Work harder at the things I like to do. And see if I'm really able to progress and be good at it. And see if I will keep liking it so much. Perhaps when I'm good at it, I can get passionate about it. Perhaps.
And if I can't be good at it, even after trying really hard. I'm sure I'll learn to cope. There are more things to try after that.
You never know until you try.
Next goal : giving everything I like my all!
Posted on 06 Jul 2010 by Daisy , 5 Comment(s)
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