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I admire people who can always be true to themselves, without caring what other people think. It's something I try to do but it's so very, very hard.
To have a dream and to be able to live towards it. To have a strong personality and lots of confidence. To feel strongly about certain things and don't care about what other people think of you.
I wish I had that. But I don't. I don't have a strong personality, nor do I have any special dreams. And I can't help but feel self-conscious all the time. I hate it, I really do. It kindof spoils the fun for others, too. I just wish I could be a little more confident. It would... help a lot.
Posted on 01 Nov 2009 by Daisy , 10 Comment(s)
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Fun times :3
Ok. Anime conventions? They're fun. No, really. Though this wasn't a real 'anime' convention - it's more of a fantasy/comicbook/games/anime etc etc 'nerdy' convention. Didn't think I'd be interested but it turned out to be real fun :3
It was actually possible for people to act like themselves. Sure, I saw a weird glance every here and there, because um we cosplayed as schoolgirls (yay for the four schoolgirls!) but nobody really minded because most people were cosplaying. Some people walked around with pieces of paper with 'FREE HUGS!' written on them, and of course we hugged :3. Two of my friends even decided to walk around with a piece of paper like that themselves <3 Lots of hugs. Hugging strangers seemed to be perfectly acceptable over there. Well, sortof.
Lots of people took pictures of us! And we took lots of pictures too.
It was truly a happy day. So different from everyday life. Being a bit "nerdy" was a good thing. Though I'm not saying I understood all of it (I've never watched the Star Wars movies or Star Trek or w/e and I'm not THAT much of a gamer) but still. Anime and Manga used to be a big part of my life, it still is (sortof but um WAY less) so it was fun <3 Though I never watched the big anime's like Bleach or Naruto or Mai-Hime , my friend totally kept me up to date lol.
So it was great to see people with similar interests <3. Being themselves. It was so different from this world where image is so important! There it didn't seem to matter all that much. I'm not saying I lost all sense of shame because for me, thats impossible, but I still had a really great crazy time.
My dad doesn't want me to post anything on the internet because it might damage image. My future. I understand him. Much as I hate how this world depends on how a person seems to be and not how they are, I know it's impossible not to go with it. Though it's true I've never tried very hard to blend in with anything, it's also true that I really don't like being the extremely different.
It sucks, not being able to be yourself. If you hide too much of who you really are, expressing yourself in a clear way becomes difficult. Well, it does for me. I'm happy I've found friends with whom I can hold back less. I can be myself. Maybe someday I can really let down all the guards. Maybe.
I'm definitely going back next year <3
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Edit: Maybe letting down all guards is a bad idea. Being entirely myself? I think I'll hate myself for it. Everyone would probably hate me for it. I can be quite mean o-o'
Posted on 20 Oct 2009 by Daisy , 25 Comment(s)
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un-gloomy time!
Ugh I just read my previous post and it was sooo depressing. Mmn.
I'm mainly happy now :3. I had Friday off which was YAY.
So I went shopping with some friends ~
Awesome day. Lots of talking. Talking is goood.
Last year we got befriended with a few boys. Um the weird kind. Even though they're really... err. weird... Apparently some of my friends are falling for them. Which is really cute <3. And um I'm just there on the sidelines watching once again x-x. Then again, I'm relieved. I mean they're friends D=.
So yay! Positive talking is amazing x3. And um my friend convinced me to go to this anime... thingy. Well, cheap manga is okay for me :3.
So yay! things to look forward to!
Posted on 04 Oct 2009 by Daisy , 2 Comment(s)
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