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School.
School started almost two weeks ago. And Saturdaisy is still dead. Because I haven't had the energy to do anything about it.
I'm so effin tireD. TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED.
And I'll be even more tired starting next week. Because I've finally decided to get off this lazy ass before I get fat. So I got a sportive hobby. Well, I joined my friends with what they're doing. Which is circus-techniques. Which requires you to have muscles and be stretchy. Which is the exact opposite of what I am x__X. But I'm tired of being like that so this is my opportunity to do something about it, right? It's twice a week and takes up a lot of time. But I'm sure it's worth it.
But right now I am so freaking tired. Becuase I was sick last friday I missed seven classes and now I have TONS TO CATCH UP WITH. Not to mention omg HOMEWORK FLOODING. + New Hobby. PLUS PIANO PRACTICE. Plus mom who can always find something I seem to have forgotten I have to do.
I got home at FIVE. I finished homework at EIGHT. And then my mom came in and went all good you're done now you should get yourself something to eat and PRACTICE THE PIANO.
Geez gimme a break please? And I still need to practice the piano every day. Which is normal, I suppose but it's so loud and gets so boring and ugh. Tiring. But I can't quit. Becuase I don't want this to be ANOTHER waste of money because I QUIT.
Besides. My mood is pretty bad right now. I'm feeling really down. Why? I don't have a freaking clue. I just don't feel like doing anything anymore and have no energy and I just want to TAKE A BREAK FROM LIFE.
But life won't let me.
I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG. I'M JUST UNHAPPY AND TIRED. BUT APPARENTLY I
DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE. THATS NOT MAKING ME ANY HAPPIER.
A friend told me that I shouldn't be unhappy because all I need is my friends whom I love and who love me and that equals happiness.
That's a great saying. But I also believe in another one.
Before you can love others and others can love you, you need to love yourself first.
And yeah. Seeing as I'm not entirely happy at all with whom I am, it's kindof hard to imagine that others would care about me.
(the usual nearly-emptiness of this site seems to be proof of that.)
Though I can't say THAT out loud because of FEAR of HURTING OTHERS. By saying they don't seem to care about me. Because honestly how can I know?
They're just so NICE. Sometimes I'm scared they only put up with me because they're too nice not to. Because I'm such a pain in the ass. Who complains a lot.
Like she is doing now.
WAAAAH.
Mom : You shoudln't complain you're tired because you chose to have this extra time-taking hobby.
Daisy : That doesn't mean I won't be tired.
Mom : You shoudln't complain about it and just do what you have to do.
Daisy : But that doesn't take away that I'm tired and need a break every now and then.
Mom : You had plenty of free time last week. I saw you on the wii a lot. You didn't have any homework.
Daisy : I really don't want this conversation with you being angry because I'm tired.
Mom : Fine. Then there won't be any conversation. *stalks away*
Daisy : *Bursts into tears*
... Yeah. Helping. I had a crying fit at school too. Because my friend went all YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY. BE HAPPY. BE HAPPY.
Daisy : I don't feel like being happy. I don't feel like doing anyhting.
Friend A : You don't feel like doing the new hobby we all share? *hurt voice*
Friend B : You shoudln't be all depressed because you have lots of freaking homework.
Daisy : That's not reeally it. I suppose I don't feel like doing anything? Why should I anyway.
Friend B :You see no point in life? WE ARE YOUR POINT IN LIFE. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. *hurt*
Daisy : .... I just don't see things your way. Besides it GOES DEEPER than that. I just don't like talking about it to you because YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
Friend B : *takes Friend A* let's go for a walk. I need to clear my head.
Friend C: Are you ok?
Daisy : *bursts into tears*
Yeah. And I still seem to have tears left now.
Srsly.
Posted on 14 Jan 2010 by Daisy , 9 Comment(s)
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2010
Wooh Happy New Year to everyone! Even though it is already January 2nd because I was too tired busy to post on New Year or New Year's Eve.
So um Whee. It is the end of my Winter Break and I have done absolutely nothing useful. Because I am made of so much fail. BUT BUT BUT BUT I had a great time with my friend on New Year's Eve on account of her family being OUT and me being BORED and another friend not CELEBRATING it and all of us ending up over at her house drinking champagne celebrating New Year the way 16 year olds should. (But honestly, I only had one glass and it tasted just as awful like it always does.)
But it was still fun because I brought my Wii and we danced with Just Dance and we sang with We Sing and we played Trivial Pursuit which I totally FAIL at and made Tiramisu which turned out to be Tiramisoup. But it was still tasty :3. So that was fun.
So um. Currently not feeling very happy? Some say it's normal to feel this way when you're a ten and totally disregard it. Which is um yay not. Others don't believe it. Or complain about the complaining and complain some more. Which is yay too um not.
And normal other people my age don't seem to feel like this and are having the awesome teen experience what with boyfriends and parties and activities and being part of something and achieving things and yayness.
Unlike some people who seem to fail at all of these what with the not-knowing-any-guys-thing and the socialevents?omgmeshynottalkingtoanyoneexceptfriend-peopleignoringusbecausewe'rebeingentirelyasocialandfriendless.
Um. And then coming home and having mom betching about how people are not going to bite and you have to talk to them and not expect them coming to you and OMG you are totally useless you couldn't even ask them practical stuff about your stage because you were scared why are you scared you're just lazy.
Yes. That helped a lot. Though I don't want to go all betching about my mom either because she is totally lovely and loves me. Even though she never says it or shows it but she DOES show it because she drives me everywhere I want to. And does stuff for me. A lot actually.
And now I feel guilty for not being a good daughter and being messy and lazy. But I can't help it if I don't care about sorting my stuff and keeping a clean desk and feeling annoyed about having to practice the piano every day when I could do more productive stuff (um like lie in bed until 15:30 due to lack of social life).
But seriously there is nothign to DO in winter. Everything's Cold. And Dark. I could go skating but I'd need a lift from my mom again T__T. Besides the closest ice rink has a huge christmas tree in the middle which makes it impossible to skate properly.
Whatever. I'm a mess. And nobody reads this anyway.
Posted on 02 Jan 2010 by Daisy , 31 Comment(s)
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Bored.
Not feeling happy. Not feeling particularly unhappy?
I don't know. I'm a little down I guess.
And I don't know why.
My life isn't perfect, but I'm pretty lucky compared to a lot of people.
Hmmn.
I wonder why I'm feeling like this.
Posted on 29 Dec 2009 by Daisy , 2 Comment(s)
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